The Pig Goes to Hog Heaven by Joseph Caldwell

Author:Joseph Caldwell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook
Publisher: Delphinium Books
Published: 2010-09-17T04:00:00+00:00

8

The obstreperous cross-eyed pig that Lolly and Aaron had given back to Kitty and Kieran—the one originally intended for the great feast—had, for whatever reason, calmed down during the days since its return to Castle Kissane. It had become docile and cooperative, which meant it ate and ate and ate and was now sufficiently fattened for advancement into the final phase of its prescribed destiny. It would now be surrendered to the butcher in Tralee. Both Kitty and Kieran had been given hints as to the source of the pig’s serenity: the ghostly presence of the eaten pig.

As far as Kieran and Kitty could figure out, the living pig sensed rather than saw the phantom pig and the phantom had instilled a composure that bordered on joy. In an attempt to bring common sense—a contradictory phrase if ever there was one—to what they were witnessing, they decided that it was nothing less than true love, a love strong enough to defy death and find solace and even happiness in the sensed presence of the departed beloved. Had not the original pig, now the ghost of its former self, been given to Lolly because she was a committed swineherd? And was it not given back because it had lesbiotic leanings, the exercise of which had maddened the male swine, even though it had seemed not to have bothered the sows chosen as the objects of its heartfelt affections? It was more than possible that during the time of their shared residency, that of the original pig and the one originally chosen for the feast (the one now at Castle Kissane), that a relationship made in hog heaven had flourished, and when fate (also known as Kitty McCloud) had intervened, the surviving pig had been returned to its herd, where any sexually aroused shoat could intrude upon its bereavement with importunings that had cried out to that same heaven for rescue.

To some degree, answered prayers had sent the anguished animal back to the castle, there to be given the unseen company of its beloved. The upshot, of course, was that the pig had grown obese with contentment, and the end of this particular tale was now to be a lovers’ parting.

Lolly swung the truck into the courtyard. The porked-up pig was slothfully sunning itself near the sheds where Declan was busy going about his thatching. She brought the truck to a sudden halt, got down from the cab, and regarded the fattened animal with satisfaction, ignorant that the courtyard was somewhat heavily populated. Brid and Taddy were solemnly watching Declan laying thatch on the second-farthest shed. The phantom pig was there as well, keeping faithful watch over its slumbering inamorata. Thinking she had Declan all to herself, Lolly strode toward him with a most unhesitant stride.

“Declan,” she called out, her tone exuberant, without the least trace of the uncertainties that had characterized her behavior when she had seen him here in this very courtyard, before she had taken refuge in the scullery rather than confront him directly.

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